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Author's note:

Subsequent to the posting of this article, some readers have highlighted via the Comments Column that the site I was directed to is not TM's official site. I've checked further on that - and that's true. The www.unifi.com.co site is an agent's site. Or may be a scam site. But they don't ask for credit card details... Phew!

I also found out that ".co" is the internet country code for Colombia. ".co" is offered on some sites as the suffix for free site hosting.

My most sincere apologies to TM for whacking them. Kekeke... I'll make it up to TM by subscribing to UniFi when it reaches my area.

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How important is the English language today?

In Malaysia, this is a very sensitive question. All sorts of people will throw in all sorts of argument regardless of if it's an 'aye' for English or 'nay' for it. And it will not take too long for that simple question to deviate to racial issues, then to religion, then to social contract, then to 'you are a pendatang', then to 'please respect the Constitution', then to 'BN is corrupt' and what is and what not.

The Malays are divided on this question. So are the Chinese and the Indians. The urbanites are divided on this question. There is not going to be a simple answer - that's for sure.

To me, the English language is so-damn-blardie-kau important. Hey, that's my stand so no need to tell me yours. Am not going to defend my stand now because am writing to show something else.

English is a complicated language. No kidding it is. We Malaysians are used to the rojak version so most of us could not be bothered to improve ourselves. Besides, asalkan we can understand each another, cukup makan lah... So, that's us in our daily lives. Fine and dandy. But on official documents, official events, good to be proper a bit lah. And on GLC websites, please put in a bit of effort lah. It reflects badly on the GLC, the government and we Malaysians as a whole.

I was trying to get a Unifi subscription for my house. Apparently I get to register online. Googled it and this is what greeted me:









What the...?

"Great News!!"

Dude, what's with the double exclamation marks? Why 2? Why not 3 or 5 or 10? Satu cukup bro. Where did you learn to use 2 anyway?? See, isn't it weird when I use 2 question marks? Cikgu kat sekolah tak ajar such things anymore?

"All Streamyx user is allow to Upgrade to UniFi services, except previously Streamyx user who have Sign Free Notebook and PC bundle package is no allow to upgrade to UniFi

Now you can Upgrade your Streamyx to UniFi or Apply new installation through this web site."

I don't even know where to start on these sentences. The basic grammar is bertaburan, capital alphabet is used in the middle of the sentence, the sentences are just rubbish... Seriously, this is embarrassing. This is supposed to be a big corporation in the country. This website is meant to reach out to a lot of people. Is this the work of the Google Translate? You can't blame me for raising this question. We have precedents in the Teoh Beng Hock case and more recently the super large banner in Mandarin greeting Wen Jiabao when he visited us.

Wait! The nightmare does not end there. After I submitted my registration...

"Thanks for your registration! Your form have been submitted! We will contact you as soon as possible. Please check for the Installation Guide Video page so that you can more understand on the UniFi installation Process before the contractor come to install the UniFi Services for you.

For those applicants haven't upload photocopy IC during registration, you can use you Scanner or Phone Camera or Digital Camera to take your photocopy IC (both side) and email to Support@UniFi.com.co within 24 Hours. All the order will no be process until applicant IC have been received, If you have any enquiry or question, please don't hesitate to contact us at 010-7985600."

Aiyoh... Painful, painful... This is not an Email between 2 friends la! On your Personal Term, nobody gives a damn! This is you reaching out to your Customers. And for crying out loud, this is not something some less-than-capable chap Emailed me on the spot!! The above are all programmed Webpages. Why can't somebody check on this before it goes live?? Is this done in-house by UniFi? If yes, isn't there proper Monitoring and Hierachy for approvals? If no, which means that it is Outsourced, doesn't anyone perform any check? Or is everyone involved just too Lazy?? It can't be everyone involved being Equally incompetent in the English Language!! Someone somewhere must have been able to Pick Up at least some of the Gibberish. (Ok... Ok... Sorry about the punctuation marks, question marks and caps... Am trying to proof a point. So darn irritating isn't it?)

The attitude people, the attitude. The couldn't care less attitude which is as bad as corruption, if you asked me. I have no idea what the majority of government and GLC officers are paid to do. I don't need to elaborate as we already know their ineptitude pretty well. If you don't then you should not call yourself a Malaysian. Where have you been all these while?

Shy lah when you see these things. It is not that my English is any fantastic. I've got some serious grammar issues too - I admit to that. But you've just got to know when proper sentences need to be formed. Look at the context of which the language is being used. It is bad enough with people like me rojak-ing the English language on blogs like this. Not a good practice but I guess this is still somewhat acceptable as this is quite informal. But not on proper websites la. Have not checked Petronas' website but I will be horrified if they are this bad. (Maybe Tun does a personal inspection since he is so hands-on).

You know those emails you get on out-of-this-world English used on signboards, restaurants, toilets etc. Those where the pictures are probably taken from China or some East European countries. Time to stop laughing at these emails people. Malaysia is right down there with them.

Oh! This sms just came in on my handphone:

Good day 2u, Xxx! UniFi Services haven't cover Xxx Xxx yet! When UniFi ready in your area, UniFi installer automatic cal you for installation! Thanks

More punctuation marks. More grammatical errors. Different mode of communication, same rubbish. Then this is no longer the web master's issue, this is a corporation issue.

By the way, they told me my area already got service one loh! Or else I bodoh-bodoh go register for what? I am not government or GLC officer who got a lot of time in hand ok.

That's it people. I've just about had enough of all these religious talks going round this country.

Everyday. And I mean everyday we see headlines like these:

Muslim NGOs say Idris Jala bias in Alkitab row (The Malaysian Insider)

Islam under siege in Malaysia (MalaysiaKini)

The above 2 are what I've just picked up from the websites mentioned as I type this. Don't even need to scroll down the webpage or look for one. It's smack on your face like a cream pie.

It is always Islam this, Christians that. Islam that, Muslims this. Aiyoh... Don't you people have better things to do? All these religious NGOs and religious brotherhoods... Don't they need to earn a living? Don't they have a day job? Or a business to run? Where do they find so much time running here, calling press conferences there. No life ah?

Eh hello. Has anyone read any latest reports on youths embracing religion? It is at an all time low. No answers has been given on why this is happening but if you ask me, it has all to do with overdose and radicalism being practised. Bloody hell... Who will want to embrace any religion where fanatics run around town screaming they want this, they want that, heaven this, hell that. By the way ah, this is not a Muslim bashing session. This applies to the Christians as much. Imagine if we have the Jews in Malaysia. The circus will be complete.

(Am not taking sides. In fact I am not even a religious person. Nope, do not subscribe to any religion for the time being).

Look here Mr. Religious Fanatics, most of us Malaysians are having trouble putting rice on table. Many among us cannot afford to buy a roof to shelter our heads. We are having a serious livelihood problem here. Maybe you have found a secret formula to turn our polluted air into energy once they are taken into your lungs, but I have not. So, why don't you bugger off for the next 1000 years and let us live in peace. Funny, apparently religion helps you find inner peace, but our peace will have to come from getting rid of so-called religious people. How ironic!

What are you religious people so paranoid about anyway? Why is it that there is always someone trying to sabotage your religion? This is 2011 already lah. You think we are still living in medieval times? Where got knights in armor suits galloping across continents spreading religion and killing in the name of religion? Grow up lah! Nobody wants to sabo you or your beloved religion. Anyone with time in hand is better off chilling out at Starbucks or play Angry Birds on their iPad lah ok! WTF! TNS!

Oh! And can this non-religious person offer you so-called religious people a pointer. If you do bad things, then you are a bad person. Doing bad things to other people for 'the sake of your religion' does not make you a good person. No heaven for you, dummy. Taking money from some political scumbag to smear others in the name of 'feeding your family' makes you a bad person. No heaven for you too. Bad is bad. No excuses, no reasoning.

One more thing. What on earth is this craze about entering heaven? I shall not thread on the number one question of 'Is There A Heaven?'. Don't know. Don't care. But what I do know is you are alive NOW. If you do good, then bagus. If you do bad, then you are not a good person. Not being a religion expert (oh come on... I'd rather be typing this then read a religious script), I thought that the ultimate goal of religion is to make us better people. If you stick to this very simple idea of 'good person', you will be be able to interpret a whole lot of your scripts better. Let's put us into a little warpath of Religious vs Non-Religious. We non-religious people are laughing at you guys most of the times. (Hahahahaha... hahaha... ). Why? Because you guys are just so <Fill In The Blank>. Look at the way you interpret your scripts. Some of you can actually turn your religious script into Nightmare on Elm Street. Your scripts are good books. There is no bad element in it. And yet you can do bad, mind you some really bad stuffs, and say that your religion calls for it. Nonsense. Read my lips:

There is no bad religion. If you think or believe your religion promotes any form of negativity or evil or bad, you've read it wrongly!

Point to ponder before I pen off. (Or is that keyboard off? Sounds weird). Ever wonder why the Buddhists or the Hindus or the Sikhs of Malaysia don't make that much noise?

Now leave us alone! And go get a job.