Much has been bandied about this 31 August date being a certain Merdeka Day. Intrigue by this foreign word, I searched a little, googled a little, and found that merdeka means “independence”.

Eh cannot la... Wikipedia salah kot! Malaysians where got gain independence? The piece of land that we Malaysians stand on gained independence from the Brits, but Malaysians continued to be ruled by another entity what! Where got independent? Damn no respect for UMNO. You think UMNO is dead and buried?

I got thinking. By the same logic of UMNO “freeing” Malaysians from the Brits and so much so that 31 August is to be celebrated, then we should be observing all these dates (and declaring them public holidays) as well:

1. 24 August - In 1511, the Portuguese “freed” Melaka from a kingdom started by an Indonesian prince. Come on... This Parameswara fella must be treated as a foreigner since he is from Palembang, Indonesia. Why he is referred to as ‘founder’ in history books is beyond me. This foreign guy basically took a boat, landed here, proclaimed himself the ruler of the land, and the hapless indigenous locals gave in. How can he be a founder? He literally gasak the land as he wished; probably got a bunch of big sized gangsters by his sides too. By the way, did he come on a sampan? Must be a woozy ride.

Simon was thinking… Why did our Malaysian history start with Melaka? It is not exactly the 1st dynasty in the Malayan Peninsular. The northern states were already in the control of the Siamese Kingdom. And the Lembah Bujangs and what not? Isn’t it? I heard that someone tries to portray Islam as the earliest religion in town. But that is wrong. That Param guy is a Sriwijayan prince. And Sriwijaya is a Hindu Kingdom. So that chap is a Hindu. Again, why Melaka? Why not Lembah Bujang? Oh, so confusing!

2. Some date I can’t find in 1641 - The Dutch “freed” Melaka from Portuguese.

3. Some date I am too lazy to find in 1824 - The Brits “freed” Melaka from the Dutch via the British-Dutch Treaty.

4. 11 August - In 1786, the Brits “freed” Penang from… oh, the Kedah Sultanate. Maybe this doesn’t count as it is anti-Merdeka. Or if this is the case of another the Kedah Sultanate being another “Parameswara” then it may count. But we will never know la. Our history has been re-written to suit UMNO.

The point I am trying to make is 31 August is nothing special. It is just a day when a new force takes control of us rakyat from another force.

What is the difference? The Portuguese and Dutch needed Melaka to control the straits and boom their trading businesses. They enslaved the locals, had “fun” with our girls, made money out of us etc. The Brits needed to control the region to protect their investments and the East India Company, they salivated over our tin mines etc.

Then came UMNO. Malaya was 1^st ruled by a rather decent prince. Then he was forcibly dethroned by Maharaja Abdul Razak I who came from Indonesia. He was then succeeded by his brother in law, Maharaja Hussein Onn. His short lived reign of power was then cunningly plotted into the hands of Maharaja Gila Kuasa Mahathir, whose origin traces back to India. After holding on to power for a tat too long, Maharaha GK Mahathir was replaced by Maharaja Badawi. His lack of capability and leadership, but not necessarily wealth, then saw Maharaja Badawi having to relinquish power to Maharaja Abdul Razak II, who proclaimed himself Maharaja Rosmah The Big.

UMNO is just like the previous others. Forcing the people into slavery (although times have changed, and the method and appearance has differ), sucking the natural resources dry (read petroleum, the new era gold), bullying the royalties and appeasing them with some wealth (eh… macam sama ngan Raja-Raja Melayu dahulu kala je…) etc. As for the rakyat of the land, same shit, difference arseholes of origin la. No point going over UMNO's endless nasty acts – it has already been well documented.

Oh and meanwhile the tussle for power in UMNO continues with Maharaja GK Mahathir plotting to install his son as Maharaja Mahathir II against the forces of the son in law of Maharaja Badawi, whom I doubt will want to adopt the name Maharaja Badawi II. (I wouldn’t.) There is also a man who wants to see himself as Maharaja Hussein II but his dreams are better realities.

So, what is the fuss of this 31 August thingy? If we really have to celebrate some sort of Independence Day, the closest I can get myself related to is that version starring Will Smith. My version is slightly different though. Remember that scene where the alien ship shot the line of light onto the White House and blasted it into a godzillion pieces? Kasi replace with Bangunan UMNO, wah shiok!

So, Merdeka Day, my ass! The history of this land is we continue to jump out of a hot wok straight into the frying pan. What Merdeka? Stop fucking bluffing me la…

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Simon’s take on Ramadhan:

The fasting adopted by the majority of Muslims in major towns, especially those in Klang Valley, is absolute nonsense. Nobody seems to understand the concept. As far as I know, Islam tells her believers to fast to understand the hardship faced by those who have less; identify with the difficulties of life of the others who are less fortunate.

But look around. Everyone who is fasting seems to talk about nothing other than food for buka puasa. Every buka puasa is a feast. A lust of gluttony. Splashing of cash to show power and wealth. Everyone seems to want to outdo one another when it comes to the daily feast. Seriously, I think these people actually gain weight during Ramadhan! And the way the fasting is carried out, I fear for the body. No food, no drinks… and then you shock the body with a huge amount of carbo, protein, fats and liquid. What the…

How common is it that we hear some of these Muslims complaining of being broke during Ramadhan. On normal days, it is 3 meals a day. During puasa month, it should be simply 2; buka puasa and sahur. But no. So much more is spent on the 2 meals during the holy-keep-it-simple-be-moderate month than that that is spent every day on other months. If this is not sesat, I don’t know what is…

I don’t know how the kampong folks are doing this month, but with the little purchasing power they possess, I doubt if Ramadhan is any different from the other months, Syawal inclusive.

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